PS 3507 
.fi44 F7 
1914 
Copy 1 



r 



ROM 
ITHOLE^^, 

TO 1ir«T^'!s 

CALIFORNIA 

Bi/ Smith Dalri/mple 







AUTHOR OF 
THROUGH ILLINOIS 



Star Machine 




SMITH DALRYMPLE 



\ vt.'",*!r»^ 



I 



From Pithole to California 

— BY- 
SMITH DALRYMPLE 

AUTHOR OF 

Through Illinois on a Star Machine 

(Over 5000 copies sold) 



TRe Most Complete Book Ever Offered 
to the Oil Workers. It Contains 

Oil Poems and Oil Jokes, Conun- 
drums, Short Sketches, Etc. 

Illustrated 

with oil towns and scenes, as the name implies, 
From Pithole to California. 



THROUGH ILLINOIS ON A STAR MACHINE 
sold all over the oil country. 

FROM PITHOLE TO CALIFORNIA 

sells everywhere. 



Address all communications to 

SMITH DALRYMPLE 

Bridgeport, Illinois 



From Pithole to California 

— BY — 

SMITH DALRYMPLE 

JRe Oil Country Poet 



GOES FASTER THAN ANYTHING EXCEPT A 

SET OF INDIANA BULL WHEELS OR A 

TOOLDRESSER GOING OFF TOWER. 



Nothing like it outside of a farm gard 

Sent post paid to any address upon receipt of 50 cents 
WEST OF THE WABASH— 4 BITS 




Smith Dalr^mple, Bridgeport, III. 

Send Money Order or Silver. No Stamps. 



,^'Vv\ 



<'Y. 



\^^ 



Copyright, 1914 

— BY — 

Smith Dalrymple 
All Rights Reserved. 



1^"^ 



©CI.A374532 

v)UN20l9l4 pt^, 



The Preface of this book will be omitted as I had one 
telling the humor, pathos and exquisite style of the poems 
and the bright, witty jokes and cute sayings of the author 
and then asked my youngest son to get my fountain pen to 
copy it with. He read it over thoughtfully and said, "Aw go 
on, you don't want any fountain pen for that stuff, go get 
the shovel." 




So kick her off; she's on the center. 



FROM PITHOLE 



If anyone has got a mouth organ give us "Columbia, the 
Gem of the Ocean." 

OKLAHOMA 

Oklahoma, the jam of creation. 
The home of the brave Cherokee, 
The pride of the Indian nation; 
A world that belongs to John D. 
His pipe lines entirely surround you; 
His name is engraved on each shack; 
The oil men are glad they have found you 
To mix with the red, white and black. 

CHO. — We'll run 'er another screw, she aint out of gauge any. 
When oil went up higher and higher, 
And you had a boom on fierce and hot, 
When workmen so much did require, 
You found our boys, John, on the spot. 
Your drug stores the coin they were tilling. 
While your slot machines never did lack. 
For our boys were found eager and willing 
To play on the red, white and black. 

CHO. — Get your wrenches ready, we'll take this one off; 
There's too much wearing surface on it. 



FROM PITHOLE 




General View of Pithole in 1865 



I showed one of these books to a boy. 
"What is it for?" he asked. 
"To read, ponder, and digest," I replied. 
He said, ''Well, I don't want to digest yet.' 



"Where are you from?" 
"I come clean from Tionesta." 

"Well shake hands, you're the first man I ever saw that 
come clean from there." 



TO CALIFORNIA 




10 FROM PITUOLE 



Can anybody whistle 'Turkey in the Straw?" Well, let 
'er go. 

Says the driller to the toolie, "Will you kick on the rope?" 

Says the toolie to the driller, "Well now I hope." 

So he put her on the helper and kicked her on the dog, 

And took down the pitman and let down the log. 

Oh, he done it in a dream, oh, he done it in a dream. 

He took out the follower and let down the beam; 

Then he opened up the throttle and turned on the fog. 

And away went the engine barking like a dog. 



Says the driller to the toolie, "Will you give me a chew?" 
Says the toolie to the driller, "I'll be hanged if I do." 
Quit smoking cigarettes and drinking Fort Knox 
You could always have tobacco in your old tobacco box." 
He grabbed up the bucket and he washed up the floor, 
Then he picked up the file and he stuck it in the door; 
He unhooked the wrenches and threw on the jack. 
And away went the forgy handle running on the track. 



TO CALIFORNIA 11 



Says the driller to the toolie, ''Will you dance me a jig?" 

"Well, now, you're a-whoopin' if I tear down the rig." 

So he picked up the fiddle that the contractor stole, 

And he danced the double shuffle 'round the eight inch hole; 

He danced around the anvil and he danced around the screw, 

And he danced around the derrick and the belt house too; 

The temper on the bit he begun for to draw. 

And he ravelled up a tune called "Turkey in the Straw." 



NATIONAL FORMS OF GREETING 

English and American: How do you do? 

French: How do you carry yourself? 

Italian: How do you stand? 

German: How do you find yourself? 

Dutch: How do you fare? 

Russian: What do you live on? 

Swedish: How can you? 

Chinese: How is your stomach? 

Oil Men: Have you got anything on your hip? 



12 FROM. piTgQLE 



CONUNDRUMS 

Why is a contractor's wife like a telephone girl? 
Because all she says is ''Hello" and ''Goodbye." 

What country has. the largest capital ? ' 

The .Oil Country. . 

What;: President receives the largest salary? 
~ President of the Standard Oil Company. 

. What is the highest table you ever saw? 
The water table. 

A farmer raised right smart of corn, sold a pile and had 
a heap left. 

How much do you reckon he fed to his hawgs? 

Why was Samson a good actor? 
Because he brought down the house. 

Which is the strongest smelling rose? 
The negroes. " 

Why don't the- devil drink ice water? 
How, in hell, could he keep it cool? 

What are the three noted cities of the world? 
Bingen on the Rhine, Albany on the Hudson, Oblong on 
the bum. ^ : 

Who owns Canada? Great Britain. 

Who owns the United States? John D. Rockefeller. 



TO CALIFORNIA 13 

During whose administration did we have the hardest 
times? 

The Red Bank Oil Company's. 

Where is the best place to go when you are broke? 
Go to work. 

Why does a dog turn around before he lies down? 
Because he can't do it afterward. 

Why is your nose like the Brooklyn bridge? , 

Because there's so many schooners go under it. 

Why does a dog gnaw a bone? ,, 

Because he can't swallow it whole. .-^'"^ 

How can you prevent a rooster crowing Sunday morning? 
Kill the son-of-a-gun Saturday night. ' ^' . . . 

Why do oil men always keep their word? 
Because no one will take it. 

What makes you think Barnum went to heaven? ^ 
Because he had the best show on earth! ' 

If you were riding a mule what fruit would you be the 
nearest? 

A pear. ' - : 

What is the difference between a glass of water and a 
glass of whiskey? 

10 cents. -^^luv- 

What is the difference between, you and the cook? 
The cook beats the steak tender and you beat tlxe bar- 
tender. 

Why is a street car like a woman? - , 

Because if you miss the first one there will be another 
right along. 

Why is a lady's corset like a watch dog? 

Because they are tied up in the day and let out at night. 

What is a kiss? 

A receipt given by a lady when you pay attention to her. 

Why is a lady's belt like a garbage wagpn^? 
Because it goes around and gathers the waist. 



14 FROM PITHOLE 

What is a woman always looking for but doesn't wish to 
find? 

A hole in her stocking. 

Why does a hen lay an tgg? 
Because she can't lay a gold brick. 

What is the difference between an oil man and his wife? 
She goes up town and gets her feet wet, and he goes down 
town and gets his nose wet. 

What paper has the largest circulation? 
The cigarette paper. 

Why do oil men buy those high top shoes? 
Because they can't get them for nothing. 

Do immoral women ever die? 

I guess not, I never saw a dead one. 

Which is the best way to go to Kansas? 
Drunk. 

What is real happiness? 

Having the other fellows come in on a stormy night and 
tell you not to go out. 

Why do drillers quarrel less with their wives than 
pumpers? 

They are at home less. 

Why do contractors always have their offices opposite 
the court house? 

So they can do business on the square. 

What is the best cure for a girl that is love sick? 
Get married to a tool dresser; one dose is generally 
enough. 

What is the difference between oil men's lives here and 
hereafter? 

There is a h — 1 of a difference. 

What time does the 12:07 train run? 
Railroad time. 

What is the difference between a taxicab and a hack? 
About three dollars an hour. 



TO CALIFORNIA 15 

If it costs twenty-five cents to cross a ferry boat, and a 
lamb, a duck, a pair of horses and a skunk wanted to cross, 
which one would get left? 

The duck could cross for it had a bill ; the lamb could 
cross for it had four quarters; the horses could cross for they 
had two bits, but the skunk couldn't cross for he only had 
one scent and that was a bad one. 

Why is a grass widow like a grass hopper? 
They both jump at the first chance. 

Why is a lawyer like a nervous man trying to sleep? 
He will first lie on one side and then on the other. 

What letter can a driller say the easiest? 
Let'er down. 

What are the wages of sin? 
Seventy-five dollars a month. 

Why is a tool dresser passing a saloon like a bit going 
through the sand? 

Because he dives and sticks. 

What company builds the most battleships? 
The Star Drilling Machine Co. 




16 



FROM PITHOLE 




TO CALIFORNIA 17 



THE OLD STAR MACHINE 

Oh, my Grandfather Hicks at the age of* eighty-six, 

Quit contracting and made up his mind to die. 

Of course his will was read, and this is what it said: 

I leave all the tools IVe got to Bill and Si; 

Unto my sister Kate he left his real estate, 

And a house and lot he left to Emogene. 

But I cussed till I was red. 

When the lawyer turned and said, 

"He left for you the old Star Machine." 

How they did titter, how they did grin, 
Even my sister and my little sweetheart, Min, 
Gave me the laugh the worst you ever seen, 
Cause Grandfather left to me the old Star Machine. 

Then one day Si and Bill they started in to drill, 
And they carried each a quarter in the lease; 
But the well it came in dry and it busted Bill and Si 
And they never got a bucketful of grease; 
While I drilled a shallow hole and cleared a little roll, 
And I had another contract come in clean. 
So to kid poor Bill and Si, 
Unto 'em both says I, 

''Don't you w^ish you had the old Star Machine?" 
W^hen I drilled the third one in, 
I went and married Min, 
And we had a regular old-time Shiv-a-ree; 
And you bet that Bill and Si had a finger in the pie, 
While I passed around cigars and Min the skee ; 
Then Bill he winked his eye and said to brother Si, 
"I wonder wdiere he gets the said long green?" 
So I flashed a thousand bucks. 
And I said ''You silly ducks. 
Don't you wish you had the old Star Machine?" 



18 



FROM PITHOLE 




BiRDSEYE View of Cleveland, Okla. 



Were you ever in Hot Springs, Arkansaw, the hottest 
place Noah ever looked out of the Ark an' saw. I was only 
there two days when I was boiled out. I saw lots of people 
g-et roasted, and one poor girl got fired. And talk about 
being familiar , why even the men hold hands and believe me, 
some of them hold good ones. I heard two girls talking in 
a restaurant, one said, "Say Min, I saw Jim playing poker 
last night." She said, "I don't believe it, for he told me 
he never played poker." The first one said, "Well, I know 
he does for I was going by the pool room last night and I 
saw him with a poker right in his hand." 



TO CALIFORNIA 19 

PETROLEUM PROVERBS 

Money makes the oil flow. 

A rolling soak gathers some mud. 

It's a long rope that has no stem. 

Where there's a well there's a pay. 

It's a wise guy that knows his own jumper. 

A toolie and his wife are soon parted. 

The devil always finds a guy for idle ones to do. 

While there is life there is a rope. 

The more days on the well the more figures on the check. 

One screw of oil sand makes the whole world skin. 

You can give a toolie water but you can't make him drink. 

Those who live in a rag house shouldn't throw bones. 

A snooze on a bench is v/orth two in a bed. 

There is many a slip 'twixt the brake and trip. 

Whistling girls and crowing hens always come here from 
Vincennes. 

Never take one off tomorrow if it needs to come off today 

Of all sad words beneath the sky, 

The saddest are these: The boiler's dry. 

Boxes and pins, boxes and pins, 

When a man goes drilling his trouble begins. 

''Don't the oil men begin to swear earlier than other 
men?" 

'T don't know, I read in the Bible where Job cursed the 
day he was born." ' 



20 FROM PITHOLE 

THE TOOL DRESSERS DREAM 

He was sitting on the counter, 

In the old Oil Well Supply, 
He had listened to our stories, 

And this was his reply: 
*'The strangest adventure I ever had 

Came to me one night in a dream, 
For I dressed tools one night in hell. 

And the devil stood under the beam. 

It was back in Indiana, 

On the old Geneva Lob, 
I had just come down from Muncie, 

And w^as new upon the job. 
It was 'long in the summer of '98, 

About September the first, 
I just got in from a three days' drunk, 

And I thought my head would burst. 

I just came in from the boiler, 

We were firing with gas and wood ; 
I had a show in the second guage. 

And the pump was working good. 
We just finished up an eight inch bit. 

The first one I had dressed; 
So I laid down on the bellows. 

To take a little rest. 

I had only been there a moment. 

When I heard the driller cry: 
"You better get up and kick on that rope. 

For I guess that boiler's dry." 
When I roused up everything was dark, 

And I instantly lost all hope; 
But I made a dash at the tug wheel. 

And wildly kicked at the rope. 



TO CALIFORNIA 21 

I hurried out to the boiler, 

But stumbled and fell on the track, 
And it seemed a terrible demon 

Was trying to hold me back. 
I freed myself in a moment, 

And sprang on my feet with a jump, 
And hurried out to the engine, 

And tried to start the pump. 

I saw the old boiler quiver, 

I heard a terrible roar, 
Then I knew she had exploded, 

I fell and I knew no more. 
When I came to, everything was changed, 

I stood in a standard rig, 
But I never heard of one before, 

Nor saw one half so big. 

And I saw a sight as I turned around. 

That turned my frame to stone ; 
For an uncouth form with horns and tail. 

Sat on the driller's throne. 
My heart stood still, for by his side. 

Was a three-tined fork so dull ; 
And on the end of the clubbing stick. 

Was a ghastly grinning skull. 

His two small eyes were fixed on me. 

And shone as bright as stars ; 
While a horny hand like a vulture's claws. 

Were clasped on the handle bars. 
'Twas then he spoke, and his voice was like 

The snarl of an angry dog; 
As he said, "Get up and kick on the rope, 

And go take down the log." 



22 FROM PITHOLE 

I flew to the pitman like a flash, ^ 

It seemed about a mile; 
And as I came back up the walk, 

He met me with a smile. 
He says, "Vm going out for lunch, 

I am coming back here soon, 
Just go in and set down on the lazy bench. 

For hell's let out for noon." 

When he was gone I went inside. 

And looked all around the rig, 
I saw a bottle in the headache box 

And drained it at one swig. 
Then the bull rope opened up its eye. 

And winked at me in scorn ; 
The hurry-up stick run up the screw, 

And the anvil blew its horn. 

The tools came marching round the hole, 

And lined up round the track; 
The five foot stick gave the guage a kick. 

And tripped the forgyback. 
The combination wrench rolled up its sleeve. 

And the trimo set its jaw; 
When the blower took the gas pipe down, 

And struck up "Turkey-in-the-Straw." 

The never-slip struck a merry clij), 

As it waltzed with the casing pole; 
And the yellow dog ]:)arked at the toolie-bird, 

As it flew in the woodpecker's hole. 
The yellow dogs gave a sickly light. 

That shone all round the well; 
And I couldn't breathe for my lungs were filled, 

With a strong sulphuric smell. 



TO CALIFORNIA 23 

The tools flew quickly back in place, 

It almost took my breach ; 
Then I saw old Satan coming back, 

When all was still as death. 
He says, "You've drank up all my booze, 

Now you must lose your soul ;" 
So he tied the sand line around my legs 

And let me down the hole. 

I saw the bluff and mountain sand. 

As down the hole I flew, 
And made five hundred feet of slate. 

And counted every screw. 
I went through coal and iron and lime. 

As I sailed down towards China; 
I made the Kane and Bradford sand. 

And struck the Red Medina. 

The hole was straighter than a gun, 

• As far as I could see ; 
When I struck the Glade and Clarendon, 

Then Speechley numl)er three. 
Through forty feet of Bridgeport sand, 

And never dressed a bit ; 
I made the Big Injun and Cow run. 

And struck the Berea grit. 

Then through a cave of rotten lime, 

1 went to beat the band ; 
And struck the stray and fifty fo(jt, 

And made the Gordon sand. 
You may talk about chain lightning, 

I had it skinned a block ; 
As I made the Mississippi Lime, 

And struck the Trenton rock. 



24 FROM PITHOLE 

I saw the bottom coming fast, , 
And knew it would soon be o'er 

I rolled off from the bellows, 
And landed on the floor. 



One night I was out with a couple of friends. We all 
bet the drinks that the first thing our wives asked us to do 
when we got home we'd do it. Jack got home first. He 
staggered up against a big looking glass and nearly broke 
it. His wife says, "That's right, break the looking glass," 
so he grabbed up a chair and broke it all to smash. Then Jim 
got home. His wife says, "Bring me a drink of water." He 
took the pitcher in the bed room and when he handed her 
the glass he spilt a few drops on her. She says, "Throw it 
all over me," so he threw the whole pitcher full on her. Then 
I got home. When I got to the head of the stairs I stumbled. 
My wife says, "Fall down stairs and break your cussed neck." 
I bouirht the drinks. 



Bill Foote married one of old John Inche's daughters 
and it was written up in the paper and headed "A twelve 
inch union," 



TO CALIFORNIA 



25 



< 

> 







When I was in Carlyle I got hoarse. The doctor told 
me to keep my throat well rinsed so I used to stay up nights 
to rinse it. I stayed and rinsed it every night till twelve 
o'clock ; then the saloons closed. 



26 FROM PITUOLE 

I asked a driller how he got such ^ pair of black eyes. 
He said, "We were spudding and I was too loose and I went 
to kick her up a little, and just caught it in the wrong time, 
and any d — n fool knows the rest." 

Mr. Wood, Mr. Stone and Mr. Rubber were walking up 
town when they passed a young lady wearing a harem skirt. 
Wood turned to Stone, Stone turned to Wood and they both 
turned to Rubber. 

You are six foot four and your wife is four foot six. 
How does she kiss you good bye? She don't kiss me good 
bye, she just looks up, waves her hand and says, ''So long." 

One night my little girl was playing out in the damp 
air and caught cold. I told my wife to flush her face. She 
asked "What has flushed in the face got to do with damp 
air?" I said, "Don't you know enough to know that a flush 
will beat any dam pair?" 

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner. 
Searching an old union suit; 
He stuck in his thumb 
And pulled out a crumb 
And said, "Aint this one a beaut?" 




TO CALIFORNIA 27 

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater, 
Had a wife and couldn't keep 'er; 
Went out on a wild cat well, 
And kept her at the best hotel. 

There was a young man from Montpelier, 
He says to his girl, 'T will stelier," 

When in came her paw, 

And reached for his jaw, 
And he says, "Don't you know I can felier." 

A toolie, who came from Hoboken, 
Gave a ring to a girl as a token; 

When his money was gone. 

She put it in pawn. 
And she said, "I was only a jokin'." 

A driller who drilled on a well. 
Went to board at a country hotel ; 

But his wife came one day, 

And he faded away, 
And the reason I'm sure you could tell. 

The Metropolitan police of St. Louis were all ready for 
the parade. The Mayor waited twenty minutes and they did 
not show up. He called up and asked, "What is detaining 
the officers?" The Chief answered back, "There is a drunken 
tool dresser from Oklahoma down the street and wont let 
them go by." 

A friend of mine went up to the livery stable and asked, 
"Do you make horses here?" 

The fellow says, "No, why?" 

He says, "I saw a frame standing out in front." 



28 FROM PITHOLE 



THE MIDNIGHT LUNCH 

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and 

weary, 
Over cold and clammy dishes, that I'd seen so oft before: 
When on one dish I saw a speck on, and it seemed to me to 

beckon, 
" 'Tis the midnight lunch," I reckon, that I've seen so oft 

before. 

Only this and nothing more. 

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was the last day of November, 
Or the first day of December, I was feeling awful sore. 
And I wished that it was morning, with a feeling full of 

scorning; 
In the butter flies were swarming, by the dozens and the 

score ; 

Countless here forever more. 

What was that? Pray do not ask me, for it was the cheese 

that passed me, 
And it turned around and sassed me, just as it went through 

the door ; 
Then the eggs began to scram1)le, and around the plate did 

gambol, 
I just sat and let them ramble, till they hopped off on the 

floor ; 

Hopped and peeped and nothing more. 

Then the beans got sour and musty, and the bread was hard 

and crusty. 
And the dishes all were dusty, and were nearly coated o'er, 
Then the fumes began to thicken, and my soul began to 

sicken. 

At a piece of last spring chicken, that was cooked three days 
before, 

Cooked and left and nothing more. 



TO CALIFORNIA 29 

Then the butter it got stronger, and it wouldn't stay no 

longer, 
So I stepped into the pantry, and I quickly closed the door; 
Then I grabbed an empty bottle, and the butter I did throttle, 
And into that empty bottle, all the butter I did pour, 
Corked it up and let it roar. 

Then my eyes got sore and smarted, and to bed I soon 

departed, 
And to sleep I had just started, when a sound came through 

the door ; 
'Twas a sound of awful roaring, and it almost raised the 

f ooring, 
'Twas the land lady softly snoring, with a long and lasting 

roar. 

Only this and nothing more. 



"i,,1iiiiifi||^ 



Mhi 



One time a contractor took a contract for a wild cat well 
and the same day bought a piano for his wife. He wrote her 
a letter describing it to her as follows : "Golden oak frame 
with two inch doublers, 84 feet high, with calf wheel attach- 
ment and Parkersburg rig irons, 30 horse power Ajax engine 
with lubricator and dope cups, 5 inch stem 36 feet long with 
I. & H. joints. Oil Well Supply bits and big hole jars, 2200 
feet of cordage and ^ sand line, guaranteed to go 2000 feet 
in 50 days, with fuel and water furnished, at $1.75 a foot and 
two days throwed in for shooting and cleaning out." 



I started once to commit suicide; I bought a safety razor. 



30 FROM PITHOLE 




THE OLD DINNER BUCKET 

How dear to my heart is the well that I worked on, 
The boiler, the engine, the belt house and derrick, 
And all the old junk that the contractor had; 
That smoking old forge and the slack tub stood by it, 
Those old yellow dogs when the twilight had fell. 
But one thing I clung to as fond as a brother, 
That old dinner bucket I took to the well ; 
That rusty old bucket, that musty old bucket. 
That grease covered bucket I took to the well. 

That old dinner bucket I kept as a treasure, 

For oft times at noon when leaving the rig, 

I would throw out the prunes, the beans and the cofifee. 

Enough on one well to fatten a pig. 

How ardent I seized that big chunk of sow-belly. 

And down the big hole to the bottom it fell, 

Then followed it up with a big piece of jelly 

From that old dinner bucket I took to the well; 

That rusty old bucket, that musty old bucket, 

That grease covered bucket I took to the well. 

How sweet was the cream that they put in the cofifee, 

That sounds awful good if it only was true; 

The crackers and cheese and a hunk of bologna. 

And a piece of beefsteak that a dog couldn't chew; 

Then when we would finish and leave the location, 

The joy that we felt no tongue ever could tell, 

As we pack up our suit case and start for the station, 

And leave the old bucket 1 took to the well ; 

That rusty old bucket, that musty old bucket. 

That grease covered bucket I took to the well. 



TO CALIFORNIA 31 




BiGHEART OkLA., IN 1912 



"Who had the first live pets?" 
"Noah." 

"No, Solomon. Don't the Bible say he had 300 wives 
and 700 porcupines? 

When I see the beautiful bunches of peaches going along 
our streets it takes me back to the immortal Shakespeare v^ho 
said, "None but the brave deserve the fair." And believe me, 
it takes a brave man to get along with one after he gets her. 

It took Noah 150 years to build the ark, and an oil man 
can build a house in three days. The first day he builds the 
house, the second day he puts in the lights, the third day he 
puts in the livers. I guess that's some pluck. 



32 FROM PITUOLE 

THE AKRON STAR MACHINE 
(A Parody.) 

,Oh toolie, dear, come listen h^re, the news that's going 

'round, 
The standard rig is used no more to drill holes in the ground. 
No more the tug rope will we use, the jerk line can't be 
; seen. 
For they're doing all the drilling now with an Akron Star 

Machine. 

Oh, I met an old driller and he took me by the hand. 
And I says, how is the oil field and how^ does she stand? 
She's the most distressed country that ever I have seen. 
For they're doing all the drilling- now with an Akron Star 
Machine. 

When the law^ can stop a driller's wife from wearing high 

heeled shoes. 
And make the toolie hold his job and stop his drinking 

booze, 
Oh, then I'll change the colors I wear from red to green. 
But till that day Fll never w^ork on an Akron Star Machine. 

I've heard wdiispers of a country down on West Virginia 

Hills, 
Where they've got no use for Star Machine and none for 

Scissor-bills, 
And it's there I'll buy my ticket from the town of Bowling 

Green, 
And bid farewell forever to the Akron Star Machine. 



"Where are you from?" 

''Clarion County. Please pass the apple butter." 



TO CALIFORNIA 33 



BALDY GEER'S RIDE 

Listen, my children, and you shall hear 

Of the midnigrht ride of Baldy Geer. 

'Twas way "back yender" in ninety-five, 

And Baldy was lucky to be alive 

After that night, I'll bet the beer. 

He said to the toolie at lunch that ni--ht: 

"If there's anything- doing, and no one out 

I 11 get a rig of old Bill White, 

And meet you at half past nine about; 

At the corner down by the old red po/et, 

And we'll get some booze to take on tower'; 

So take a stroll out 'cross the farm. 

And turn the trip on the old alarm; 

They Avont catch on, so what's the harm?" 

A rattle of wheels, then a vanishing speck- 

A streak in the moonlight, a cluck to the mare; 

I he farmers looked out and said: "By heck 

That's some of them oil drillers out on a tear'" 

n^f^^A ^V' ""f"^ '° through the gloom and light 
Old Baldy hit her up that night 
And proved again, in his headlong flight 
That the booze-hister's path always ends in a wreck 
I was eleven-ten by the village clock 
When they started out on the homeward run. 
For an auto coming around the block 
Just put an end to their harmless fun • 
^or the buggy broke and away went the mare 
And there lay Baldy loaded for bear • 
I heir booze was lost in that awful wreck 
And the toolie, he was filled to the neck. ' 

You know the rest-in accounts you have read 

An/l I'^P' P^'^"^ ^^^^^ ^P f°^ dead. 

And his clothes were torn and his hat wa's lost, 

^Jext morn he got ten bones and cost 

^o after this when you go for beer 

Remember the fate of Baldy Geer 



34 FROM PITHOLE 

THE PAY DAY THAT I LONGED FOR NEVER CAME 

I was sitting on a tank as I worked for the Red Bank, 
And I didn't have a dollar to my name; 

My shoes had lost their soles, and my clothes were full of 

holes, 
And the pay-day that I longed for never came. 

It was just six months ago since I have had any dough, 

And I'd like to see a dollar once again; 

For my gloves have lost their thumbs, and my shirts are 

full of crumbs, 
And the pay-day that I longed for never came. 

If Jim Fisk were still alive, I'll bet you ten to five, 
He'd help us if he had to cross the Main; 
For Chicago's needy poor were no worse than us I am sure. 
For the pay-day that I longed for never came. 

When the rumor came about that the Red Bank had sold out, 
I thought the news would turn away my brain ; 
And I tell you I felt tough when I found 'twas all a bluff, 
For the pay-day that I longed for never came. 

If there's such a place as hell, I'm sure old The'd will smell, 
And the devil over him will surely reign; 
And I hope that I'll be there pouring crude oil on his hair, 
For the pay-day that I longed for never came. 



When I was in Vincennes I bought a meal ticket for 
six dollars. I went to pull a cigar out of my pocket, my 
meal ticket fell out and one of those miner's with big hob- 
nailed shoes on stepped on it and punched out a week's boar^r 



To:(:ALik6i^NiA __ 3 5 

The next dance on the program will be a song to the 
tune of "Just When the 'Sun Went Down." 

Two drillers stood in a standard rig, 

Just at the close of day; 

They had just finished up on a wild cat well, 

Now they were going away. 

One kicked a couple of big hole shoes. 

One threw a shirt of brown, 1 

Bidding farewell to the jars and pipes, 

Just as the sun went down. 

One thought of a town in the gum neck state, 

Swift and lively and gay, 

Where Eagle and Second and Third streets, too. 

Are all on the great white way. 

One thought of a wife and a couple of kids. 

So he took a hike for town. 

But the other tough mutt sailed into the Hut 

Just as the sun went down. 



When I was a kid I was mad because I couldn't wear 
long pants. Now it makes me mad because I have to wear 
them so long. 

It don't make any difference if the driller's work does 
get a little slack, the tool dresser's business is always ''pick- 
ing up." 

Every little driller has a motion all his own. 

Did you ever see the big hand on the Goddess of Liberty? 
It took twenty men and a derrick to put it up, and I know 
men right here in the oil country that can put up a big hand, 
and they wouldn't know a derrick from a trimo wrench. 



36 



FROM PITHOLE 




I was sitting at a table with a young lady. She said 
she was nearly sick, said she was vaccinated last week and 
it was taking dreadfully. I looked at her short sleeves and 
long, graceful arms and asked, "Where were you vaccinated?" 
She dropped her eyes and said, "Down in the Osage Dis- 
trict." 



TO CALIFORNIA 37 

The boy stood on the derrick roof, 
Where he for life had fled; 
The pressure from the gas below 
Had raised the casing head; 
"Jump," cried the driller from 1)elow, 
''Jump, sonny, from the ridge !" 
"I can't," he cried, "you dam'd old fool, 
This aint the Brooklyn bridge." 

The gas kept going high and higher, 

The boy began to choke ; 

He rolled himself a cigarette 

And started in to smoke. 

The g-as caught fire and blazed on high, 

He started down the flame 

And said, "I may be rather slow, 

But I got there just the same." 



"I went back east one time and found half the town sick." 
"That's nothing, I went up from Vincennes once and 
found Bridgeport, 111." 

If the gas well supply the boiler what did the Oil Well 
Supply? 

"Will this country ever be settled?" 
"No, but Bartlesville." 

"Speaking of Oklahoma, I've been in Tulsa two weeks." 
"You aint such a much, I've been intoxicated two 
months." 



38 FROM PITHOLE 



A drunk got on the train at Sullivan and handed the 
conductor a ten-dollar bill. 

The conductor said, "Where to?" 

He said "To H 1." 

The conductor said, "Get off at Stoy." 



WHAT MAKES ALL THE FLIES? 

The old man makes the gad fly, 

The girls make the house fly, 

The gumneck makes the tent fly, 

The contractor makes the horse fly, 

The boarders make the butter fly. 

The toolie makes the blue bottle fly. 

And the driller makes the bar fly. 



Last summer I got all run down, so I licked up a fev/ 
and went to French Lick. I never saw so many pretty giiis 
in my Mfe. The doctor told me to get around as much a> 
possir)le so the first day I go.t around some and that night I 
got around some more. The next morning a fellow got onto 
the operating table and had his appendix cut out, and in the 
afternoon I got on the roulette table and had my meals cut 
out. 



TO CALIFORNIA 



39 



feveJ'^'' '""""*"" ^^'^■■^""ville had over 100 cases of typhoid 
Yes, and Bridgeport had over 500 cases of Hack & Simon. 



Happy is the driller that stands by the drill, 
The drill turns around with a right good will 
One hand on the throttle, the other on the bar, ' 
The drill turns around and he gets the jar. 

"Don't you think the oil men are a proud set of people?" 
I don t know, I never saw Jack Heenan turn up his nose 
at any one. 

Some people say preachers are lazy and yet Billy- Sun- 
day IS working all the time to beat hell. 

At midnight in his guarded tent, 
The turk lay dreaming of the hour, 
When bing! the d— d alarm went off, ' ■ 
And he had to- go out on tower. 



Mary had a little lamb, 
Its fleece was white as snow, 
Her brother had some high life, 
And the lamb he sure did o-q. 



40 



FROM PITHOLE 




RIGHT OFF THE REEL 

Mary had a bran new skirt, 

'Twas split up to the knee, 
And everything was in good shape, 

As far as I could see. 

Washington freed the country, 

McKinley freed the wool, 
Lincoln freed the niggers. 
And Teddy spread the bull. 

Oh, why should the spirit of oil men be proud, 
When they know any moment they're apt to get slou'd 
A break on the street, a yell or a whoop. 
And he passeth from life to a cell in the coop. 



Old Daddy Hubbard, he went out and rubbered, 
To see how the women were drest; 
But when he got there, their ankles were bare, 
And any d fool knows the rest. 



TO CALIFORNIA 



41 




Parker's Landing, Pa. 



One time when I was sick the doctor told me I would 
have to go to a warmer cHmate. I said, "Where?" He says, 
''Oh, some place that is awful hot." I said, "Well, if I keep 
on doctoring- with you I'll go there." I said "Doc how about 
going down town?" He said, "Go anywhere you feel like." 
I said, "I feel like hell." He said, "Then go there," 



42 FROM PITIjOLE 



MAUD MULLER 

Maud Muller, on a summer day, 
Was slinging hash in a swell cafe; 

She'd flirt with the boys along the street, 
And hbllered two, and a stack of wheat. 

One day as the Judge was passing by. 
She winked at him with a "goo-goo" eye; 

Next ^ay for a glass he chanced to stop. 
And Maud dished out some Maltese pop ; 

And as he drank he winked at Maud, 

While she tapped his arm and called him Claud. 

Then he gave her little chin a chuck. 
And slipped her a nickle just for luck. 

Then she leaned her head on his manly breast. 
And took ten plunks from his fancy vest. 

But the boss came in and his dream was o'er. 
And he wandered out on the street once more. 

Then Maud laid off till half past eight, 
And plaid her room rent up to date; 

And bought a skirt of the "see them" style, 
And the other girls were skinned a mile. 

The Judge went out in his touring car. 
And he reached in his vest for a good cigar. 

And he missed the ten that Maud had snatched. 
And said to himself, as his head he scratched. 

Of all sad words at home or abroad. 

The saddest are these : "Her name was Maud." 



TO CALIFORNIA 43 



THE BRANDEBERRY WELL 

There's a few simple verses I am going to mark down, 
Of the state of affairs going on in this town; 

And a few simple verses that I wish to tell, 

Since I started to work on the Brandeberry Well. 

I came here in August and got me a room; 

The town of Patoka was then on the boom; 
But I wish the whole business had been shoved into H- 

Before I ever heard of the Brandeberry Well. 

And the next thing I done was to get me a wife, 
To pester my feelings and worry my life; 

But I was not contented, I am sorry to tell, 

And I hated the sight of the Brandeberry Well. 

And the men who worked there were surely a sight, 

And the way they all shirked was simply a fright; 

They would fill up on whiskey and stand around and yel/. 
Till the people all soured on the Brandeberry Well. 

There was Curly and Byron and Smithson and Newt, 
And another young fellow who sure was a beaut; 
And then there was Harbin, another young Swell, 

Who filled up the list at the Brandeberry Well. 

There was Cutter, George Elsie, and Sidner and Dad', 
And five or six others who were just as bad; 

There was Swayze and Harper and another named Del, 
Were all with the crew at the Brandeberry Well. 

Now when I am gone to that mansion of rest, 
And sit on the throne like a hen on a nest, 

Let every one say as they hear my death knell, ' 

*'He died of old age on the Brandeberry Well." 



44 FROM PITHOLE 

"I married my wife in a cathedral." 

"That's nothing, I married mine in a kimono." 

If Virginia is the mother of Presidents, Nebraska must 
be an old maid. 



What makes the driller's hair turn gray? 
What makes him curse and swear? 
It aint his kneelin down to pray, 
And it aint his family care, 

'Taint the everlasting walking on that everlasting walk, 
It's the dam'd insipid toolie with his dam'd insipid talk. 
He'll smoke and chew and eat and spit, 
He smells most awful vile, 
And he'll lose himself forever, 
If he gets away a mile; 
He'll go and work the whole day long. 
And drink the whole night through, 
But when it comes to cussin' 
He just splits himself in two. 
The pumper knows a quite a bit. 
The roust-a-bout's a mule, 
The farm boss he's a gentleman. 
The driller he's a fool. 
But the dam'd insipid toolie. 
When all is said and done, 
Is an ostrich and camel 
And an orphant child in one. 



^ TO CALIFORNIA 45 

Two sisters want washing. (Bring 'em out to the rig 
some night.) 

WANTED: — A furnished room by a young lady with 
a good view of the west end. 

Neck pieces and muffs made up for fashionable young 
ladies out of their own skins. 

Furnished rooms for young married couples with wide 
piazzas and bay windows. 

WANTED: — Room by single man, one where he could 
have his wife with him over Sunday preferred. 

LOST: — Set of long stroke jars by contractor with I. 
and H. joints. 

I used to dress tools for an old driller. He always had 
something for me to do. If I started for the lazy bench he 
would say, "Scour up that pin." If I went to sit down on 
the forge he would say, ''Fill up the yellow dogs." He 
never would let me sit down a minute. One morning just 
as I went to raise the lower guage, the boiler blew up. I 
went 3000 feet high. When I got down about twenty feet 
above the top of the rig I met him going up. Just as I 
passed him he said, "When you get down pick up the tools." 



46 FROM PITHOLE 

THE SCISSOR-BILL BOARDING HOUSE 

I boarded with a Scissor-bill, 
And ate her bill-o-fare; 
I paid my board bill every week 
And settled on the square ; 
Her cakes were white as the driven snow, 
On them there was no stain, 
I swallowed them in anguish, 
And digested them in pain. 
I ate her currant jelly, 
And I ate gooseberry jam; 
With forty miles of side pork 
And never found a ham. 
The butter was a luxury 
She didn't seem to have. 
Except the apple butter, 
We call it Clarion County salve. 

The midnight lunch was rotten, 

And the buckets they were bum; 

The beds were always moving. 

And we caught them as they come ; 

We paid her thirty cents a meal. 

For eating up her junk, 

And a porcupine would break its teeth. 

If he tried to gnaw her punk. 

Her sausage it was awful, 

'Twas made of fat and flies. 

And we tapped our boots with pie crust 

From those damn'd sole leather pies; 

I would rather go back to Parkersburg 

And starve among the hills, 

Than to stay out here in luxury. 

Among these Scissor-bills. 



TO CALIFORNIA 47 

THE LANDLADY'S REPLY 

IVe been a keepin' boarders, and the troubles that I've had 
Would surely make a preacher swear, or drive an angel mad ; 
They come along six w^eeks ago, all dressed up neat and nice, 
And wanted me to take them in and never asked the price; 
But when they went to change their clothes you ought to 

see those scamps, 
They didn't look a bit the same, and dirtier than tramps. 
They all came in to dinner and I thought my head would 

split. 
For they had to splice the spudding line and dress a big 

hole bit; 
And then they had to fill the forge and make it good and 

tight. 
And they had to hop right to it if they started up that 

night; 
There was part come in to supper, and they said I have to 

take 
The others' suppers to them, and I had to make a cake. 
They got up some time in the night, I don't know just the 

hour, 
And went right out to go to work and called it running 

tower; 
And then along about twelve o'clock they all come in a bunch. 
And ate up everything in sight and called it midnight lunch; 
Then they sat and laughed and talked, and kept us all awake, 
Till I almost felt like killing the one they call the snake. 
He talked about that deep stuff and the lower pay they found, 
And then that Indiana man would put the string around; 
He always made the fastest time and drilled without the 

jars, 
And boarded twelve miles away from home and rode on 



48 FROM PITyOLE 

And then that man from Lima would drill the Trenton rock, 
But the Clarion County horse thief, he had them skinned a 

block. 
He had a dozen different sands, aid all was hard to dig, 
But he finished up in seven days, ai:d tubed and moved the 

rig; 
The toolies they just sat and grinned and talked about the 

punk, 
And how much they spent in Terre Haute the last time they 

were drunk ; 
And then they told about their homes, they had them fixed 

so nice, 
But when they came to pay their board they didn't have the 

price. 




It's easy enough to be pleasant, 

With a lass and a glass and a song, 

But the man worth while is the guy who can smile 

When he's got the old woman along. 



TO CALIFORNIA 



49 




Tank Farm, Bridgeport, III. 



A farmer sat on a barnyard fence, 
Screwing up pipe with a trimo wrench; 
The northwest wind grew sweeter and sweeter, 
And the Ohio's gas blew through his meter. 



The only thing I saw on the square in Carlyle was the 
court house. 



50 



FROM PITMOLE 



THE STAR MACHINE 

I've seen the little dipper, 

And I've seen the milky w^ay ; 

I've seen the star of Bethlehem 

Just at the break of day ; 

I've seen the rings of Saturn, 

And I've seen the planet Mars, 

And in my rambles through this life 

I've seen most all the stars. 

But there's one that shines above the rest 

Of all the stars I've seen. 

It's the Devil's own invention. 

And it's called the Star Machine. 




to caUfornIA 51 



I've seen the stars upon the stage, 

I've seen them in the sky; 

And I've seen them on a copper's coat, 

When ''Comin' Thru the Rye." 

I've seen them on the grand old rag 

That floats upon the air, 

And one time in a free-for-all, 

I saw^ stars everywhere ; 

But I hope some day to be called away 

To leave this earthly scene, 

Where I'll have to use a telescope 

To see a Star Machine. 



*'How did you get your face burned so badly?" 
''Well, the boiler bucked and I looked in to see if it was 
going to go — and it went." 



52 FROM PITHOLE 



THE TOOL DRESSER'S ADIEU 

The tool dresser stood by the boiler door, 
Whence all but him had fled, 

lie watched the lower guage turn blue, 
And the crov/n sheet had turned red ; 

But firm and steadfast still he stood 
And tried to start the pump, 

A creature of heroic blood, 

A great, big awkward chump. 

The driller hollered, "Come away, 
You know that boiler's dry. 

If you don't make your get-away 
You'll wake up in the sky." 

Then came a burst of thunder sound. 
Where did that toolie hike. 

Go ask yon cloud of hissing steam 
That took him up the pike. 

The largest piece they found of him 

Was not so very big. 
But ought to have seen the overalls 

That plastered up the rig. 




TO CALIFORNIA 53 

THE OIL BELT LINE 

I've rode the Katy Flyer, and I've rode the Cannon Ball, 
And in my travels through the land I guess I've rode them all, 
But of all the trains I ever rode there's only one for mine, 
And it's called the Ragweed Special on the Oil Belt Line. 

You can talk about your Clover Leaf, and tell how fast they 

come, 
The Erie makes me weary, and the Big Four's awful bum. 
The B. & O. is very slow and never runs on time, 
But give me the Ragweed Special on the Oil Belt Line. 

The 'Frisco road aint such a much, nor yet the Santa Fe, 

I don't want no Iron Mountain and no Wabash road for me; 

The C. H. «& D. does fairly well, the Booze Train's mighty 

fine, 
But I'll take the Ragweed Special on the Oil Belt Line. 

The Twentieth Century Limited is the fastest train they say, 
They run from Chicago to New York and do it in a day ; 
But from Marion, Indiana, to "Bingen on the Rhine," 
They can't beat the Ragweed Special on the Oil Belt Line. 

They run on the tri-weekly plan, it always makes me vext, 
They run to Oblong one week and tri to get back the next ; 
You've got the Tango, Grizzly Bear and Turkey Trot com- 
bine, 
If you ride the Ragweed Special on the Oil Belt Line. 



54 FROM PITHOLE 

DERBY'S CROOKED HOLE 

My name is Dalrymple, and I came from Kinzua Town, 
I've traveled this w^ide world over, and I've traveled this 

wide world roimd ; 
I've met with ups and downs in life, and better days I've 

seen. 
But I never knew what misery was till I v/orked on a Star 

Machine. 

I was standing on the street one day. 'twas early in the fall, 
My clothes were getting shabby and my bank account was 

small ; 
When a gentleman named Derby appeared upon the scene, 
He was looking for a toolie to go on a Star Machine. 

I worked eight days for the son-of-a-gun, and everything 

went fine. 
My heart began to lighten up and my eyes began to shine; 
But when we started up again, I tell you things went mean. 
And I cussed the day I ever set my eyes on a Star Machine. 

For fifteen days and nights we worked and got a crooked 

hole, 
I swore so much at that machine I know I lost my soul ; 
And when I'm dead and buried and my grave is covered 

green, 
I'll roll over in my coffin and cuss that Star Machine. 

We plugged the hole with mud and stone, we plugged it up 

with wood. 
We plugged it up with everything but it didn't do no good; 
So Derby sent Chic Snyder out with a load of glycerine, 
And he blowed the crooked hole to hell, but he left the damn 

machine. 



TO CALIF ORNIA 55 

THE BRIDGEPORT FIRE 

Friday, June 13, 1913. 

On Friday, the thirteenth of June, an awful thing did turn up, 
A fire broke out that afternoon, and tried this town to burn 
up, 
The blacksmith shop was first to go and then the livery stable, 

But Jackson quickly took the cue and got out every table. 
The elevator went up next and lost their wheat and barley ; 
Then in a jiff it took a whiff and out went Hamburg 
Charley ; 
Dick Lewis ran out in the street and hollered ''Heaven save 
us !" 
And saw the flame make one big scoop and clean up Junky 
Davis. 

When Mrs. Sutton's room-house went she thought Old Nick 
had got 'er, 
With all the town just burning down and not a drop of 
w^ater. 
The Boston Store went with a roar and then burned J. H. 
Mills up; 
W^hen Dr. Jones' office went it melted all his pills up. 
The burning brands with flaming hands soon cleaned out Mr. 
Cox's, 
I thought about that Bible piece of Sampson and the foxes. 
The Oil Well and Jarecki, too, forgot to pay their rental, 
And crossed the street with fiery feet to join the Con- 
tinental. 



56 FROM PITHOLE 

Lawrenceville and Vincennes come as fa^ as they could 
whizz 'er, 
And oil men came from miles around and likewise every 
Scissor; 
The old machine shop went so fast and everything in stock, 
too, 
That all were beat for speed and heat and skinned a country 
block, too. 
The oil men fought away like mad and never stopped to tank 
up, 
And then the fire broke through the roof and burned the 
Bridgeport Bank up; 
The fearful heat across the street soon took the old hotel out, 
And then like grain before the flail the Seeds just fairly 
fell out. 
The grocery store just went along although we really need 'er, 
And then the fire stopped on its way and took the Bridge- 
port Leader ; 
And everybody heaved a sigh and hope at last came to us, 
As the fearful fiend lay down at last at the home of Dr. 
Lewis ; 
And the only thing that we repent which causes us to weep. 
Oh! 

Is just because we lost the bank and saved the ! ! depot. 

"There's no great loss without some gain," this comes to one 
and all, 
But the only place where Bridgeport gained — we -lost the 
City Hall. 



TO CALIFORNIA 



57 



I had a dear brother once who would have made a most 
eloquent speaker but he was cut down during his first speech. 
A large audience had gathered and he was waited on by the 
most prominent men of the county, one was the sheriff, and 
after mounting the platform which had been erected for this 
special occasion, he started to make an address when sud- 
denly the platform gave way and his neck became entangled 
with a rope and he was jerked hence into that dim futurity 
from whose bourne no traveler returns. 




35,000 Barrel Tank Struck by Lightning 
Bridgeport, Illinois 



58 FROM PITHOLE 



"Way down on the Lehigh Valley road, 

Where June bugs and rag weeds grew, 

I used to work in a restaurant there, 

And, say, 'twas a bum one, too, 

I went with a guy a month or two. 

When a foolish thing I did; 

I went away for a couple of days 

And came l)ack with a little kid. 

Now, don't commence your laughing, 

What makes you standa nd grin? 

This was a little Billy, 

With whiskers under his chin. 

He was the sweetest little thing, 

.But alas, one fatal day, 

A stranger came along the road, 

And stole little Billy away. 

That's all of my story, stranger. 

Now run along and play. 

For ril find the bloat that got my goat, 

If it takes till Christmas day. 



TO CALIFORNIA 59 



THE OLD WALKING BEAM 

The toolie bird upon the beam was singing. 
And the toolie on the forge was firmly set; 
The tools within the hole were slowly swinging, 
While the driller stopped to make a cigarette. 

In the shade of the old walking beam, 

You could hear the exhaust of the steam; 

With a nose that is blue, 

I'll be letting down screw. 

In the shade of the old walking beam. 



Oh, mother, may I go out to swim, 
Way down behind the willers, 
I'll hang my clothes on a hickory limb, 
And wont go near the drillers. 



60 FROM PITHOLE 



My sister and I have a large amount of money between 
us. She is in Pennsylvania and I'm here. 

I think there is nothing so sacred as the matrimonial 
bonds and that every one of marriageable age should get 
married. What an aw^ful thing it would be if no one got 
married. A man wouldn't even know his own children. 

One time when my wife was sick I got a case of beer 
and a pound of limberger cheese. Next morning the doctor 
came and when I opened the door he got a whiff of my 
breath and said, "When did she die?" 

"I saw the American soldiers taking Manilla." 

"That's nothing, I saw a bunch of oil men taking Peruna." 

'T used to be a rough rider." 
"Where?" 

"I used to brake on the narrow guage from Foxburg to 
Kane." 

"What nationality is young Johnson?" 
"Oh, he's a. cross between a white woman and a rig 
builder." 



TO CALIFORNIA 61 



If one of our best sailing vessels would run up against 
a schooner she would sink, and one day down at Vincennes 
I run up against fifty and sunk every one of them. 

Some people cry ''hard times." I say things are picking 
up. The junk buyer's business is picking up, the tool 
dresser's business is picking up; you can even make money 
picking up chips if you pick up enough and bet on the right 
cards. I even look around daytimes to see what I can pick 
up coming off tower at night. 

When Wilson was elected he offered me a position as 
brakeman on the Panama Canal but I sent in a resignation 
and told him I wanted to be pork inspector in Jerusalem. 

The good Book says the lion and lamb lie down together 
but I can't find any place where the lamb ever got up. 

Did you ever notice how our lovely young ladies dress? 
Sealskin, pony skin, wolf skin, mink, beaver, fox and wild 
cat skin, while poor old Mother Eve had to be satisfied i^ 
bear skin. 

I have a brother who started out to be Mayor of St. Louis 
at the tender age of 17 years, and now he is the best shoe 
maker in Jefferson City, and he and Bryan both say one term 
is enough. 



6§ _ „ FROM PiftJOLfi 



One time a lecturer started in an oil town to make an 
address. He said "Ladies and Gentlemen and oil people." 
That is as far as he got. 

A Jew over at Sandoval told a fellow that he had just 
married a girl from Carlyle. The fellow said, "What did 
you marry her for; every tool dresser in Carlyle went with 
her." The Jew said, "Veil, Carlyle aint such a big oil field." 

A tool dresser said to the driller, "I saw your wife at 
the picture show last night and I believe she is the homliest 
woman I ever saw." The driller said, "Don't you know that 
beauty is only skin deep?" The toolie said, "Then for God's 
sake skin her." 

Do you believe what it says in the Bible about a camel 
going through the eye of a needle? Well, you know my 
woman weighs 200 pounds and I've seen her go through my 
vest pocket. 

I asked a young lady why she called her dog "Driller." 
She said, "Because he growls at everything he eats and 
chases everything he sees." 

If the driller paid his wife's board would the tool 
dresser? 

I went into a restaurant. I said, "Have you got anything 
fit for a hog to eat?" He said, "Yes, what do you want." 



"to CALIFORNIA 63 



I used to rise with the lark, but now I go to bed with too 
many swallows to rise with the lark. 

One time I got mad at a sassy kid; I said, ''There is 
enough brass in your face to make a large kettle." He said, 
"Yes, and there's enough sap in your head to fill it." 

"I wouldn't marry the best man I ever saw." Every girl 
says that but you still see safety pins in the show cases. 

My wife calls my mother "small pox" because she 
pittied me. 

"Have you got a family tree?" 
"No, we've got Anheuser Busch." 

I took my girl to an ice cream parlor and I couldn't 
understand how a kid of her size could hold so much ice 
cream. When I got home I took down an old .arithmetic and 
started to figure it out, when I happened to blunder on to 
the whole secret. It said, "One gal. equal to four quarts." 




64 FROM PITUOLE 



THE OIL JOHNNY'S REPLY 

Some Scissor up at I.awrencevill^ has been to big expense. 
To figure out a post card called "The Scissor-1)ill Defense;" 
He says, "They've lived for fifty years right here in Illinois," 
And does a lot of "spoutin' off" ior those old scissor boys; 
He seems to think we left our hjmes on those old eastern 

hills, 
And come out here on purpose to call them "scissor-bills." 

He says until we came out here the "scissor" lived in peace, 
I don't know what they lived on unless 'twas corn and grease ; 
Of course, we come from eastern lands, also from foreign 

climes. 
And found the poor old scissor-bills were 'way behind the 

times ; 
And then we went to drillin' and struck the lucky pool, 
Which paid the mortgage on the farm and sent their kids 

to school. 

We came out here from New York State and West Virginia's 

hills. 
For a chance to see the country and cop out the "scissor- 
bills;" 
And then them Pennsylvania boys he speaks of in his song, 
Just come out here to Illinois and brought the stork along; 
The Indiana Gum-necks and the Yellow-hammer lads. 
Have left a lot of orphans here a-bawlin' for their dads. 



TO CALIFORNIA 65 

We don't say nothing of our wives, because our wives we 

trust ; 
But these here girls, in Illinois will get to us or bust; 
We tell them first we're single until we start the flame, 
And when they find we're married they love us just the 

same; 
He says we "come to get their dough," but till us oil boys 

come, 
Most every scissor-bill was broke and strictly on the bum. 

And when we put them on their feet and helped them out 

of debt, 
And dressed them up in tailored suits, this is the thanks we 

get; 
He thinks they are in clover, he surely is a goose. 
For w^here was he until we came and turned the jackass 

loose? 
Of course we hike for booze and fun down in the redlight 

slums. 
And if we pay the scissor's way we never lack for chums. 

Now when our well at last goes dry and the tubing taken 

out, • 

I don't want any "scissor-bill" a-taggin' me about, 
Because if seats are 7^ upon that golden fence, 
He'll try to Jew St. Peter down to 40 or 50 cents; 
And when I get to Heaven and the golden throne I see, 
If I find a lot of "scissor-bills" 'twill make it hell for me. 



There is so much bad in the worst of it. 

And so little good in the best of it. 

That the best you get is the worst of it. 



66 



FROM PITHOLE 




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TO CALIFORNIA 67 

I like Bowling Green but I like North Balti-more. 

If a street car ran into Fostoria, what would Tole-do? 

Drill and the world drills with you, 
Dress tools and you work alone. 

A young lady whose name was Philura 
Fell down and hurt her like fura, 

She says, *'Oh, my knee 

Is just awful to see," 
I said, "Well, I'm from Missura." 

I bought a watch. It was a patent lever. I had to leav'er 
at every watch shop I came to. 

You can sing anything you want to in a saloon if you 
let the bartender accompany you on the cash register. 

If I came over the B. & O. to Sandoval what would I. C? 

If a woman jumped in a 250-barrel tank would the oil 
saver. 

"^ 
"Vill your shoes go in my trunk?" 
"No, but Sistersville." 

It is better to live in the second story with your own 
wife than with a bawling woman in a bad house. 



68 FROM PITHOLE 



WILL THERE BE ANY STARS IN MY CROWN 

'Mid these changeable scenes, on these old Star Machines, 

You can hear it abroad or in town ; 
But the thing that I dread is that after I'm dead. 

Will there be any Stars in my crown? 

Will there be any Stars, any Stars in my crown? 

If there is wont you please take 'em down; 
For I never could rest, in that mansion that's blest, 

If there is any Stars in my crown. 

On that last final day when they lay me away, 
And the mourners have all gathered 'round, 

It would sure break my heart, if the choir chanced to start, 
''Will There Be Any Stars in My Crown." 

Will there be any Stars, any Stars in my crown? 

If there is I'll go back and sit down; 
For that heavenly dell, will just simply be h — , 

If there is any Stars in my crown. 



TO CALIFORNIA 



69 



A boot-legger was arrested in Robinson, with a suitcase 
full of whiskey. The judge fined him $100. They searched 
him and found only $60. The judge says, "Give him his 
suit case and turn him loose 
other $40." 



for an hour till he gets the 



"I have a brother in Crawford County, Illinois, who had 
a horse run away with him and he was kept in for three 
weeks." 

"That's nothing. I've got a brother in Clarion County, 
Pennsylvania, vfho ran away with a horse three years ago, 
and they are keeping him in yet." 



A tool dresser had an operation performed on his head. 
The surgeon took out his brains and told him to come back 
the next day and have them put back; he did not coma. One 
day about 3 weeks later the surgeon met him on the street 
and said, "When are you coming after those brains?" He 
replied, "I don't need them now, I've gone to drilling." 



70 V FROM PITHOLE 

THE TOOL DRESSER 

The tool dresser that cometh into the oil field is small 
potatoes and few in a hill. 

He goeth forth Monday morning dead broke, looking 
for a job; and cometh into town Saturday night with a roll 
that would choke a cow. 

He goeth to the first booze joint and lilleth his hide with 
strong drink; and lo, he is full even as a goat. He setteth 
them up at the bar many times; and yelleth with a loud voice 
that he will not go home till morning. And when he goeth 
abroad he seeth the cop ; he turns and runs, yea even as a 
steer in the corn. But the cop overhauleth, him ; he being 
easy to catch. He sleepeth in the coop over night and waketh 
in the morning with a strong breath and a weak stomach. 

He is taken before the wise elders who imposeth a fine 
of seven sixty and costs. 

Blessed are the tool dressers, for they shall inherit the 
earth. 




TO CALIFORNIA 71 



I came out of a saloon in St. Louis one time and let out 
a yell that could be heard for a mile. A cop stepped up to 
a telephone pole and pushed his finger against it and up 
come the dandiest automobile I ever saw. It was certainly 
a peach. I was just simply carried away with it. 

One time I met a preacher. I asked, "How is your wife?" 

She's well, thank God." 

"How are the children?" 

"They're well, thank God." 

"How is your wife's mother?" 

"She's dead, thank God." 

"Were you in Texas during the last boom?" 
"No, I wasn't Electra-cuted." 

The first night my wife and I were married we went up 
to the room. I sat down on the edge of the bed while ni}^ 
wife was getting ready to retire. She took out one eye, then 
she took out her teeth, then she took off her hair, then she 
said, "Dear me, I am so tired I haven't been able to get off 
my feet all day." I jumped up and said, "For God's sake, 
do they come off too?" 



72 



FROM PITHOLE 




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TC CALIFORNIA 73 



There was a fellow up at the boarding house last night 
trying on overcoats. I guess mine must have fit him. 



A woman is the greatest traveler of the present time. 
Two days before marriage she is in the promised land, one 
day before marriage she is in the Holy Land, the day she 
is married you find her in the state of matrimony, the next 
two weeks she is in the honeymoon and the next week she 
is in Reno getting a divorce. I guess that's going some. 



I attended a party recently and they played a game 
where the one that made the worst looking face got a prize. 
They all done their best and then a man came up to me and 
said, "Sir, you win the prize," and I wasn't even playing. 



My boy says "Mama, what does papa play when he takes 
a long pole, rubs some chalk on the end of it, hists up one 
leg and pushes some balls all over the table and says damn?" 



74 FROM PITHOLE 



TWENTY YEARS 'AGO. 
(Parody) 

Fve been out to the country, Tom, in my old two-wheeled 

gig' 
Where you and I once drilled a well with that old standard 

rig; 
There was no one there to greet me, Tom, and nothing left 

to show, 
That worked with us upon the lease, just twenty years ago. 

The field is just as good, Tom, I heard the pumper say, 
The same old well is pumping yet, it makes a barrel a day; 
But the farm boss skipped the country, Tom, they say he 

had to blow, 
You know he was a crooked chap, some twenty years ago. 

The boarding house is altered some, the kitchen floor re- 
placed 

With new boards somewhat like the old our boot heels once 
defaced ; 

The landlady sits in the same old chair, her hair is white as 
snow, 

You know it used to be so red, just twenty years ago. 

The table cloth is just as red, the table just as long. 

The prunes are in the same old dish and the butter just as 

strong ; 
And sitting down to eat a lunch, dear Tom I started so 
To think of the beauh we used to eat, just twenty years agi». 

The hired girl is married now, another fills her place, 
She hasn't got as nice a form, but prettier in the f ic-: ; 
She waved her little hand at me, just as I went to go. 
And I thought of the kiss I used to get, just twentv^ years ago. 



TO CALIFORNIA 75 

Some boys were drilling another well upon that same old 
scene, 

They had a bran new fangled thing, 'twas called a Star Ma- 
chine ; 

'Twas worked with levers from the front, by pulling so and 
so; 

It wasn't like the rig we used, some twenty years ago. 

You know those country girls we had, I forget the tall one's 
name, 

I passed off as a single man, and so did you the same; 
But when our wives came in that night, the stuff w^asoff you 

know, 
I guess they had us going some, just twenty years ago. 

Some are in the Kansas field, and some in Tennessee, 
And few are left of us old hicks, excepting you and me; 
But when our well is measured up, and we are called to go, 
I hope they'll lay us where we drilled, just twenty years ago. 




77 



FROM PITHOLE 




Robinson House, Tulsa, Okla. 



The driller took a screen tdolie out Sunday night. They 
had an Oil City steam guage, with the glass broke out. The 
driller, supposing him to be an old hand at the business, 
went in the rig and laid down while the toolic was firing up. 
The driller soon fell asleep and did not wake up till three 
o'clock. He ran to the boiler and the guage showed thirty 
pounds. "What," he cries, "only thirty pounds of steam?" 
The toolie says "She went clear around to Oil City and I 
helped her over the peg and she's going around again." 



TO CALIFORNIA 77 



They say love is blind; well marriage is an eye opener. 

Marriag-e is a baloon that takes people to heaven. Yes, 
and divorce is a parachute that brings them back down again. 

. Matches may be made in heav en but I'll bet they are 
dipped down below. 

I couldn't get the girl I wanted so I got the girl that 
wanted me. 

We boarded at a place where they had a very small baby. 
I asked an old driller if that wasn't the smallest baby he ever 
saw. He said "No, When my John was born he was as little 
as two of him." 

Love is blind; that is why they always turn out the gas. 

I started out once to be an actor. I was called out by 
three prominent men the first week, the landlord, the con- 
stable and the sheriiT. 



78 



FROM PITUOLE 



'Way down around the Ambraw river, 

Away from all the noise, 

There stands a little old blind tiger — 

Tliiit's where you'll find us boys. 

T'lc glasses are all sour and beery 

Every night and noon ; 

Oh, mister, how it makes me weary 

To think of a good saloon. 

When I was boarding with my mother, 

1 hen I could buy; 

Now I have to pay my board bill. 

That's why I'm always dry. 

All up and down the street I wander, 

Wearing out my shoes, 

Longing for a nice, cold bottle; 

Or for a drink of booze. 




TO CALIFORNIA 79 

At one place where I boarded, the lady had the best 
butter I ever saw. It let you know it was on the table the 
moment you entered the room. I asked the landlady where 
she ke])t it. She said she carried it in from the cellar every 
day. I said, "I thought it walked in." She said, "It can't 
very well walk in from the cellar can it?" I said, *'It ought 
to walk in from the country." She said, "We don't get it 
from the country, my daughter churns it every week." I 
said, "The lazy thing." She said, "Who, my daughter?" I 
said, "No, the butter. That butter is strong enough to churn 
itself, and I know it is older than I am." She said, "How do 
you know it is older than you are?", I said. Because I found 
gray hairs on it." 

If the injector stopped working would the donkey-pump? 

If Odin is square is Sandoval? 

The well was about to be shot and as they were lowering 
the last shell, a young lady ran breathlessly up to the tool 
dresser and asked, "Would glycerine kill anybody?" 

He said, "No, but dynamite." 

If Avant took a piece of Bigheart what was it Skiatook? 

What two in the past five years have done most to re- 
lieve the suffering of mankind? 
Hack & Simon. 



"Did you have good luck in California?" 

"I should say I did; I came back on the train.' 



80 FROM PITUOLE 



When I was in Bartlesville I went into a lady barber 
shop to get shaved. That was the first female joint I ever 
saw. When I went in the barber was sitting on a fellow's 
lap. 

She jumped up and said, "You're next." 
I said, "I know it and I know who I am next too." 
She said, ''Where did you get your hair cut?" 
I said, ''On my head." 
She said, "Do you want a close shave?" 
I said, "No, I just had one, my wife passed the window 
and didn't look in." 

I gave her a quarter, she handed me back ten cents and 
before I thought where I, was I said "Put it in the piano." 



When I was in Tulsa I went down to the depot and told 
the agent I wanted to leave town the worst possible way. 
He said, "Take the Midland Valley." 



^ TO CALIFORNIA 81 

A tool dresser was taking his mother back east to be 
buried. The train ran off the track and broke the bagga«-e 
car in two and piled everything up. The conductor came 
along and found the young man wringing his hands and 
crying. 

''Are you hurt very bad," he asked. 

"No" answered the toolie, ''but just look at ma; she don't 
look fit to go to hell." 

If a girl married a wart hog would their children be 
called derrick pigs? 

I bought a watch dog for my wife and the first night 
when I came home he took after me and we went round and 
round. Finally after he had my clothes nearly torn off I got 
a rope on him. I took him back to the old fellow I bought 
him from. I said, "Didn't you used to have this dog?" He 
said, "Well, I did about half of the time and the other half 
he had me." 




82 FROM PITHOLE 

We only had one child. My wife isn't much of a kidder. 

An old pipe liner was comin^^ up from Oklahoma. He 
was sitting behind a couple of school ma'ams. 

One asked, "How many children have you?" 

She said, "Seventeen, how many have you?" 

She said, "Twenty-one." 

The old man leaned over and said, "Excuse me, ladies' 
are your husbands pumping for the Ohio?" 

My wife put some bologna in the kids' lunch yesterday 
and they growled all night. They are the wurst kids I ever 
saw. In fact, my wife said she never sausage children. 

Girls, don't have anything to do with the oil m:^n. llicy 
are all married and if there does happen to be a single one 
in the bunch I'll bet some one has let him out to double. 

If I was a nice young lady I wouldn't marry any man, 
and I would raise my daughters to hate and detest them. 

One of the casing men started a saloon down the street. 
The rest of the gang called it the last joint. 

"Were you at Allendale during the l)oom?" 
"No, the train was 13 minutes late and it was all over 
when I got there." 

"Could a locust go from St. Louis to Oklalioma over 
the Frisco?" 

"No, but a Katv-did." 



TO CALIFORNIA 



83 




When I see so much g-aft and grabbing and dishonesty 
in the worhl today my mind runs back to George, the im- 
mortal Washington, who sharpened up his little hatchet and 
sailed in to hew out the rig timbers for this glorious republic 
where we now board for six dollars a week and prunes 
throvved in. Oh, my dear, deluded friends, go to your homes 
tonight and say, "From this hour forth, I will be honest." 
Pay up your debts, even if you have to beat your grocery 
bill to do it. 



84 FROM PITHOLE 



My father got rich selling tickest at the moving picture 
show. When a man came up to buy a ticket he would throw 
down a two dollar bill or a five. Father would blow his 
breath in his face and say, "How man}^?" The man would 
say, "Oh, never mind, keep the change." 

When I went through to California we stopped at Salt 
Lake City. We went through the Mormon temple. I saw 
Brigham's motto. It was, "Go it while you're Young." 

You can say what you like about whiskey. I believe in 
putting it down and keeping it down, and I don't believe 
anyone has put it down any more than I have but the great 
trouble with me is I can't keep it down. I do think a drink 
once in a while does a man good if he knows when to stop. 
Now, When I go out I take fifteen or twenty drinks and then 
before I go to bed I take thirty-five or forty more, so you 
see I knov/ when to stop. 

A couple of months ago I got run down. I was weak 
as a cat. The doctor told mc to take whiskey. I got a barrel 
of whiskey and put it in the cellar. I couldn't hardly roll 
it over. Now I can pick it up and throw it around anywhere. 

When I was courting my wife I didn't have the nerve 
to come right out and ask her to marry me so I went up to 
the telephone office and called up, "Hello, is this Miss John- 
son?" She answered "Yes sir." "Will you marry me," I 
asked. She said, "Yes, who is it?" 



TO CALIFORNIA 



85 




I found the most polite people I ever saw in Gushing, 
Oklahoma. When I went in the hotel some one took my hat, 
another took my overcoat, another took my overshoes and in 
less than half an hour they had my watch and pocket book. 
The landlord says when Gabriel blows his horn he will wake 
up many a sinner in Oklahoma. I said, "Gabriel never will 
blow his horn in Oklahoma for somebody from Gushing- will 
steal it as soon as he crosses the Kansas line. 



86 



FROM PITHOLE 




.\- 



^-i* 



\W) 






sS;*'"im"*«=" 




Petrolia, Pa., in 1874. 



TO CALIFORNIA 87 



Oh, don't you remember Sweet Alice, Ben Bolt, 
Sweet Alice who boarded the crew. 

Who filled all our buckets with punk and cold beans, 
And gave all the good things to you? 

In the old boarding house, in the corner, Ben Bolt, 
Where we used to eat fat pork and pone, 
They have fitted a room with a telephone booth, 
And Sweet Alice, she answers the phone. 

Knock and the world knocks with you. 
Boost and you boost alone; 
If you knock good and loud. 
You v/;]l li-d that the crowd, 
I.as a liamm2r as big as your own. 

The eagle soars the azure sky. 

And paves his way to fame; 

But the stork keeps down close to the ground, 

And he gets there just the same. 

"John Axe married a widow named Wood." 
"Did she have any children?" 
"Yes, a couple of chips." 




88 FROM PITHOLE 



One time on a train an Irishman asked me to join his 
crowd and play a little game of poker. I told him I couldn't 
pla}^ He asked why. I told him I had several reasons. He 
asked me what they were. I said, "One is I haven't any 
money." He said, "Then to H — 1 with the rest of them." 

The tool dresser quit one morning and came in crying. 
He told the contractor the driller kicked him. "Where did 
he kick you?" "Right between the Sampson post and the 
dump hole." 

One time a kid in town ti:idcd me a bushel of ajjples for 
one of my books. The next time I saw him I said, "Say, 
kid, those apples were rotten." He says,, "So was the book." 

"The cat is the most musical animal, in fact, they are 
full of music." 

"How do you make that out" 

"Oh fiddlestrings ! That's what a cats-gut." 

No matter what the tool dresser says, everything is "all 
right" with the driller, 



TO CALIFORNIA 



89 



a 



o 

CD 



CD 




90 



FROM PITHOLE 




Homestead Well, Pithole, 1865. 



TO CALIFORNIA 91 

At a big dinner up in York state Parker was asked to 
pass the cow. But they didn't have to ask Teddy to spread 
the bull at that Chicago convention. 

'T slept w^ith Bill Jones the night he died." 
"Did anyone know you did?" 
"Sure, Bill was dead next to me." 

"She don't look like a bad girl." 

"Well, you never saw a buck beer sign on a blind tiger." 

My father killed more men than any other two men in 
the civil war. He was the company doctor. 

When I married my wife she was Helen White. And 
the same in black. 

Some famous man said, "Give me a lever and I'll move 
the world." Give me two pounds of beans and I'll blow up 
the town. 

If the contractor wanted a wife could the rig-builder? 

"Illinois has more fine weather and less rain than any 
other state." 

"Yes, but Oklahoma has more moonshine and less sun- 
shine than any other six states." 

"What nationality is Secretary McAdoo?" 
"I don't know, but by the way he takes to young women, 
^ cruess he's an oil man." 



92 



FROM PITHOLE 




Broadway, Avant, Okla. 



Old King Cole couldn't make any hole 
For a very poor driller was he; 

So he'shut the mill down and went into town 
And got on a h — of a spree. 



TO CALIFORNIA : 93 



THE WILD CAT WELL 

Of all the wells I ever seen, 
With a standard rig or a Star Machine, 
Or a Parkersburg or a rig and reel, 
We had up in the Patoka field. 

I will not tell the contractor's name, 
But you bet your life that boy was game; 
He went up. there with a streak of rust,. 
And says, "I'll drill her in or bust." 

Well, he started in with a crew of men. 
And his appetite and a fountain pen; 
Then set it to running day and night. 
Till all he had left was his appetite. 

The Bible tells of the patience of Job, 
And his troubles reached around the globe; 
But the Bible doesn't go on to tell. 
That Job ever drilled a wild cat well. 

And it says old Noah stemmed the flood, 
And kept the animals chewing their cud; 
But 'twould surely paint a different scene. 
If they'd changed the ark for a Star Machine. 

I'm a working man and rather rough, 
And I aint much versed on that gospel stuff, 
But if ever a man keeps out of hell. 
It's the one that drills a wild cat well. 



94 



FROM PITHOLE 



As the President of the United States 

said to the President of Mexico — 

"Cut it out." 




THE END. 



I 



TO CALIFORNIA 



95 




star Portable Drilling 
Machine 




No. 30 i/r 4000=Foot 

Equipped with crane and hoist for removing heavy 
parts, 60-ft. derrick, calf and shear poles for pulling 
casing, 12 x 11 engine and same size and weight of 
tools as used on the standard rig. Write for catalog 
and prices. 

The Star Drilling Machine Co. 

Largest Drilling Machine Manufacturers in the World. 

Four Big Plants: Arkon, 0., Chanute, Kans., 
Portland, Ore., Long Beach, Cal. 



DEAR READER:- 

During the Bridgeport Fire of June 13, 
1913, the entire collection of cuts pertaining 
to the book "Through Illinois on a Star 
Machine" was burned; and as I have had so 
many calls for it, I am using some of my 
former poems in this book. 

My next book will be "Crude Oil," two 
bits a bailer. Everything new. Coming 
out soon. Watch for it. 

Thanking you for past favors and hoping 
to please you in the future, I am 
Yours Sincerely, 

Smith Dalrymple. 



m 



